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Dear Aunty Amber, I've stumbled across a very weird situation, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I wonder if you can provide some much needed guidance on the subject? I've recently started dating this really hot guy. And I mean HOT. Capital H. Capital O. Capital T. HOT! The funny thing is, his home set-up is a bit weird, and I thought I'd run it past you to determine if there's anything fishy going on. The first thing is, he lives with his ex ex- boyfriend. They have a house together. In fact a mortgage together. I'm not sure of the boyfriend's name, but he does some amateur drag artist work. I think he goes by the name of Electra Fence, but don't quote me on that. Is this normal? The second thing is, he's ginger. Now, I've always been a fan of the red heads, but I've heard rumours that he has a nickname - 'The Ginger Love Wand' - what does this mean? Does Harry Potter have anything to do with it? The third thing is that his most recent ex fella still has house keys. I'm slightly worried that if I let down my guard and decide to stay the night, this guy could come into the Ginger Love Wand's room and murder me in my sleep! You may think this sounds a little paranoid, but I've already dreamt of something like this happening. Equally scary is the prospect of him coming into the room and breathing heavily whilst concealed in the velvety darkness. What should I do? Oh Amber, I'm in such a bind! Whatever can you suggest as guidance in my current predicament? Yours thankfully, JJ x |
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Oh James, What a hoo haa you're in, let's see if we can't answer each point for you. Living with ex boyfriends can sometimes be awkward, however they're probably ex's for a reason, I mean at least your man isn't seeing you while he has a boyfriend - how wrong would that be? !! I am acquainted with the lovely Miss Electra Fence and if he does indeed share with her then at least the fridge will always be full ...fat cow!! I think the nickname Ginger Love Wand probably has to do with the fact that he has ginger pubes ... gee how thick are u ? Lastly I have to ask, how many ex boyfriends does he have?? He sounds like a bit of a slapper to me, also if Miss Fence is his ex he obviously likes them of the fuller figure (don't worry my lovely there isn't anything wrong with being chubby ...apparently) My advice would be that if u like him why don't u sit down and talk to him rather than writing to me at some god forsaken hour and then I have to give up my valuable time answering you when I could be catching up on Eastenders. If that doesn't float your boat my little chubby checker then go get a burger .... fatty! Love Amber xxx |
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Dear Aunty Amber It is 4.12 am and I have nothing to do besides sit in bed with my lovely lady lesbian reading your problem page. As you may be able to deduce as a young attractive gay man this is a problem in itself. Do you have any suggestions for the evenings entertainment In the event that this situation crops up again. We have tried knitting, cross stitch and indeed rug making but to no avail. Please help. PLEEEEEEEEEEASE. No but really, Please. Terminally Bored 22 |
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Dear Terminally Bored Hmmmmm, I find porn helps .....A LOT!!! Otherwise have you tried actually sleeping??? It's the in thing to do at 4am apparently. If things get that bad you can always hit each other over the head with a house brick. Also why are u in bed with a lesbian?? I dunno youngsters these days AD |
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Dear Miss Amber. I've recently discovered a problem, I'm an extremely HORNY teenager, yet there's no vent for my horniness (I'm single and whenever I go out I think people assume the guy I'm with is my bf) any suggestions??? Rob - 18 |
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Dear Rob Well firstly what does this friend of yours look like, if he looks like Brad Pitt then be grateful people think he is with you, however if he looks more like something your cat threw up then you may have an issue. If it's the latter it's easy, have a nice t-shirt printed up with an arrow pointing at your friend saying "Do you think I'm blind!!!" As for being horny ..... HELLO!!!! Clubs, internet, bars. Where do you live ? The moon? If you're really desperate then pop round, I'm a great supporter of Children in Need. Much love Aunty Amber |
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Dear Amber, My names Aaron and I'm quite interested in an older man. the only problem is, he is very well known on a lot of scenes around the country and is very good looking... I know he likes me too but what would you suggest I do to keep him interested? Aaron xx |
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Dear Aaron, I find that offering them money works, have u tried that .... or if they're older, just a nice cup of tea and a copy of country life to keep em occupied. Amber |
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Dear Amber After almost 10 years of being together my boyfriend has told me that this year he wants to go away for a week without me, just with one of his friends who has recently split up with his boyfriend. Naturally I am worried but don't want him to thing I don't trust him. Should I let him go? Alun 42 |
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Dear Alun What a lovely catch 22 you're in. If you say go you will spend all week worrying, if you try and stop him you will seem possessive and distrusting. If it was me I'd play him at his own game. Book yourself a holiday with your friends to go away the same week. See how he likes it. No one says if you have to play fair. AD xx |
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Dear Amber I've just come back from Sitges after meeting the man of my dreams out there. He is everything I want in a man, but can a long distance relationships work? I'm already saving to go back out there and we speak every day on the phone. I really think he is the one. Jake 19 |
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Dear Jake Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Sorry don't mean to laugh but Hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah If you were older I'd slap your face. But you're still in your flushes of youth so all I'm gonna say is WAKE UP!!!! Every gay man and woman reading this have been there honey. Trust me, you hopped out of his bed one side and he rolled someone else in from the other. Save your money and chalk this up to experience. Sounds harsh? Well if you wanted molly coddling you should write to Dear Deidre! AD xx |
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